I heard that Burgerville had Portland’s best-tasting hamburger.  There was a vote and everything.  Ever since, I’ve intended to eat there.  Believe it or not, I haven’t had a Burgerville hamburger before.

The fast food restaurant is located in the Lloyd District where Multnomah crosses MLK.

I cheated.  Instead of walking, I drove my black Volkswagen GTI. It was Sunday.  I was in my car because after I went to Burgerville, I intended to make a couple purchases at Office Depot (also on MLK).

The parking lot at Burgerville was full.  I could have parked on the street nearby, but I chose to go to Office Depot first.  On the way back I would go to Burgerville.

On my return trip, there was one empty space in the lot.  I took it, went inside, stood in line and placed my order.  I wanted a Colossal Hamburger, not a Colossal Cheeseburger.  I know.  It’s a pet peeve.  I’m pretty sure they want you to order a cheeseburger so they can charge you extra.  If you want a double-hamburger at Burger King, it’s a Double Cheeseburger without cheese.  If you order it at McDonald’s, it’s a McDouble without cheese.

I like cheese, I just don’t need it on a burger.

Okay.  I’m done venting.

I ordered a Colossal Hamburger (1/4 pound of beef) with catsup (ketchup), pickles and onions only.  That’s what I like most on a hamburger.  I also ordered fries and a medium soda.  The young lad with “Trainee” written on his name tag handed me a paper cup and a number.  I filled the paper cup with ice and Mr. Pibb, sat down, looked around, and listened.

The restaurant was playing “Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress” by the Hollies.  I like that song.  I used to live in Kentucky and made donuts.  We had a jukebox where customers sat, but no one got there as early as me (I had to roll and cut the doughnuts, after all) and the entire jukebox was Country songs except for selection A6.

“Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress.”  I played it a lot.

Then they screwed it up by having some guy say he was playing “Burgerville Radio.”  Why do they do that?  I know I’m in Burgerville.

The seating area inside is sort of like an old diner and it is entirely too big for the small lot.  Only twelve cars fit in the lot.  I counted.  Maybe they get a lot of foot traffic, commuters from light rail, or people just park on the street like I almost did.

A guy in a tie brought my burger.  It had lettuce, tomato, mustard, and I don’t know what-all.  So I carried it to the counter, butted in front of someone who was about to step forward, and said, “This isn’t what I ordered.”

The young man didn’t say sorry or acknowledge me in any way.  He just took the basket from me, disappeared through a doorway, and left me standing there.  After a few moments, he came back, handed me the basket and told me it was fixed.  He probably needs to work on his customer service skills.

It was a great burger.  Maybe the bun was a little too big, but the burger was great.  It was the next best thing to a Fatburger (and that is my favorite).  The fries?  Alright, but not so great.

A panhandler hit me up while I was eating.  “Do you have a quarter?”  I said, “No,” and stared at him. He said, “The ketchup is good isn’t it?”  Was he just looking for things to say?  “Yes,” I said, and still stared at him.  He went away and bothered someone else.

Burgerville has a drive-thru, too.

Who has the best fast-food burger in Portland?  Burgerville.